My last relationship was unfortunately a victim of my own insecure state of mind. This is proof that if you are not a whole person, you cannot bring what is necessary to a successful relationship. I have said this before but I love to reiterate it because so many people fool themselves by believing if they are in a relationship with a great person they will all of a sudden be “great” themselves. Fools! Lol
Anyhoo, as of right now I have decided to reach back and take a talent I started to form (but stopped) and cultivate it into something that I can stay with. What is important to know about me is that I am a multitasker and I will never be satisfied with doing just one thing. But I have to pace myself and start somewhere. What good is it for me to start all of these projects and never finish them? So I am going with photography. As you may have read, I have my new camera and I am looking to buy a starter lighting kit. I am truly excited about this new direction and I have a lot of visions that I want to bring to life. You cannot learn how to be an artist because you are born one. But I need the technical prowess to pull this one off. Cross your fingers because Mikey is impatient! Ha!
I haven’t been this excited and passionate about something since I started college. I never finished college because I realized I was so self taught in some areas that I became bored and I also should have been a Graphic Design major as opposed to a Multimedia major. So I am an art school drop out. Sexy huh? =P So that is the excitement factor.
The fear factor comes from the fact that I need to move. I don’t want to move, I need to move. I am done with Boston. I am very unhappy here and I am not the most liked person among my peers and honestly I don’t give a fuck. I am not better then them, but I am on some different shit that just confuses them and makes them think I am on a high horse. Not at all, I am very humble and downright shy at times. I am still in touch with that light inside of me that aspires to be a person that I can love and be proud of. I want to love myself. They….well…not sure where they are..but I doubt when they were growing up they wanted to be bitter, jaded and hateful. Yeah I said it. Trust me, who you are, is in your actions not your words.
My choice of location is NY, which is no secret. I am scared because I am starting this photography stuff and trying to move at the same time. Both are very costly and I have bills to pay! I am not afraid of the competition in NY nor am I afraid of not succeeding because those are not options. I am determined but am filled with fear because I have a love hate thing for change. A lot of it has to do with age too. Which is something I really need to let go. I feel like I should have done this a long time ago but I got caught up in being lost and trying to live a married life (not blaming this on my ex or the relationship!).
As you can see, I have much on my mind.
On a completely different note..I am going to see Amy Winehouse! yay!!!