I had a conversation with a friend earlier today about sexual experience and I have come to the conclusion that I am rather inexperienced. lol Wow. How horrible is that? Well..inexperienced for a gay man! Trust me, gay men are nasty freaks! We will do it all.
So, again...I am not innocent! But compared to many many people around me...I actually am.
I had a conversation with my sister the other day and I came to the conclusion that I most likely will never fall in love again. And you know what? I am OK with that. There comes a certain feeling of freedom when you let go of that programmed thought of meeting your "soul mate." There is a hint of sadness..i think or maybe its disappointment. Not sure, but what I am sure of is that being in love isn't for everybody. So to understand and believe that, I fully understand that I am most likely going to be apart of that group of people that will not be married or have some kind of lifetime partner.
I firmly believe that to love somebody the right way, to be in a relationship that will last, you need to be a whole person. You need to give yourself whole heartedly to the next person and surrender all that you have. You have to contribute to that person and vice versa. Although I am happy with who I am, I know that I have a long way to go and really, I am not getting any younger.
So love is something I am sure will pass me by. I loved before, but it was short term and not meant to be. So, I at least know the joys of it. I also don't want children. So, yeah...I am letting it all go. I haven't felt lonely in close to 3 years now and I can't imagine why I would need to feel that way again. Been there done that.
On the flip side, I am not denying myself the joy and blessing of being in love with somebody, but I am not holding my breath. Again, I believe in love, but I do not believe it is meant for everybody. Especially for me.
On Sunday, November 2nd, I took a bus from NYC to Boston to take part in one of the most important moments in my adult life. Although I live in Brooklyn, I am registered to vote in Boston. So, I knew that to have my voice, my views and my vote be heard, I would have to travel hundreds of miles to fill out a ballot. And I did just that.
On Tuesday, November 4th, I voted for change. I voted for my country. I voted for you and for me. I voted for Obama.
I am happy that not only my voice, but OUR voices have been heard. Our prayers have been answered and we now have a chance at building this great country back up. Are you ready America? Because I am. Remember, that Obama is human like you and I...and he cannot do this alone. We have to all live the change and be the change we need in this country.
This is a great day.
Thank you America, you always find a way to make me proud.
As I was walking towards the Taco Bell by Union Square at 2:40ish AM, I walked by some guy with a bike, leaning against a storefront while peeing. I glanced at him and made brief eye contact and he screamed out, "Fuck Guitar Center!!!" I started to laugh and so did he and I threw up a peace sign and kept walking. It was worthy enough for me to name this post after that moment. However, I have nothing against Guitar's or the center in which they come from.
So I have had 2 phone interviews in the last 2 days and Im hoping to keep it going. I have met some more people and I am hoping to add to my non existent circle of friends. PS, why do people who do drugs always assume (and they assume right) that I do not do drugs and exclude me from drug fueled activities? So odd that at this age, people still keep their drug binges away from me. No complaints! I was told by a few friends that there is an innocence about me that prevents some people from exposing their drug usage to me. I am drug free and have never done a hardcore drug before, but i don't judge and thankfully, I am not so innocent in other areas! lol
Today, I went to GNC and got some supplements for my gym workouts. I am REALLY insecure right about now. Its the same kind of insecurity I had when I finished high school and I realized I was pretty much an adult that weighed around 110 pounds. Not sexy. At all. I am not 110 pounds!! Thank you jeezus, but I feel like I am and I don't like it. I have done a lot of research and I found out that I am classified as a "hard gainer." Basically, it means that my body is different then your average body. I can't go to the gym and expect the same outcome as a normal person and I can't eat like a normal person and expect to maintain the same weight or gain anything.
My metabolism is insane and I have to work twice as hard to gain and keep the weight. I know, you probably think that would be fantastic if you had the same 'problem' that I have. You might think that way because you are fat. lol jk Seriously tho, if I don't over eat, I will look like Nicole Ritchie looked when she was too skinny. That is scary to me. It also makes me feel like less then a man to be so fucking small. Thats really the best way to describe it, feeling like less then a man.
Anyhoo, I am going to Boston on Monday so that I can get up early on Tuesday and cast cast my vote for Obama. Exciting stuff!
Oh yeah, Halloween was cute. I may have some pics up if I don't look too skinny. Yes, that is why there haven't been any pics of me lately.
I had originally created this blog as an outlet for my thoughts and as a way for my close friends to keep up with me. I still use this as an outlet for my thoughts and my close friends still read it, however, I have attracted many other readers from around the world. I keep this blog as honest as possible and I type the way that I talk. I want this to come off as a conversation that I am having with you, the reader. Please, excuse my grammar and spelling! There is a lot about me on this blog but its not the full picture. So while I thank you for reading, I think you should know that I leave a lot out.