In this year, I have been published twice: Once in Nylon magazine and once in AMNY. Because these opportunities came fast and without me fully understanding how hard it can be to get into a publication, I haven't really enjoyed it...or given myself the proper credit. When I say credit, I don't mean telling other people...I mean telling MYSELF. Yes, I got these shots through an amazing friend, but if I were garbage, I wouldn't be in Nylon Magazine, would I?
So, there is a fear in me. I think I have been living with this fear since I got laid off last year. Like, what am I going to do with myself? How am I going to make that much money again? Was I really that good or was I just lucky? All of that shit that I just pollute my mind with...it all comes from this fear of me not being good enough. It doesn't just come from me either. It was also fueled by people around me too. If you are reading this, you know who you are.
Negative friends aside, I allowed all of this fear to build up in my head, but not my heart. I have a lot to offer and Im gonna be diligent. I may not know exactly what I want, but I know I love to work...and this is a start.
Tomorrow (or later today), I have a little shoot with a celebrity that will hopefully get published as well. Yes, me and my beat up Rebel XSI are working overtime. I also want to add that my camera makes me insecure too. lol I show up to these events with my beginners camera and this shitty fucking lens and all of these other photographers, and even random bystanders, have better equipment then me! lol a mess! I have to control myself from putting my camera away. But you know what? I gotta start somewhere, right?
Fear is an enemy that I must conquer with hard work and determination.
Here are a few pics that I took in the last few weeks. Some were backstage at the Operations Show for Fashion Week, VMA Gift Suite and a shoot I did with a friend for her book.