Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Oh, This and That...

My birthday was in February and lots has happened since then.  Of course, nothing drastic or extremely life changing, however, my birthday kind of ushered in the demise of 3 friendships.  One of them on actual bad terms.  The first two friendships ended were with people that I respect and still have love for, but our view on friendships differ way too much for me to entertain regular contact, if any at all.

The third friendship ended was a long time coming and kind of a lesson I may have already learned.  But, I guess everybody needs a refresher on when to let go.  Toxic relationships come in all forms, and although I have experienced toxic friends, this was the first time I felt trapped.  This person was really good at playing victim, and every time I felt I was ready to phase him out, he would go through some sort of life issue and I didn't want to look like that friend who left when things were tough.

Instead of "keeping it real", I actually did worse, I became a fake friend.  I probably haven't been a fake friend since I was a child, but back then, I knew no better.  This time I fucked up.  I should have turned my back last year, but I just kept looking for all the good, knowing it was outweighed by all the bad.  I'll eat this one up.  I'll be the bad guy. 

The 2 things that I regret about that situation are of course not ending the friendship sooner, but also that when I sent my last text message (a reply to a very rude, bizarre and inaccurate text message), I should have kept it 110% real.  Yes, my last message was factual, but the tone was far too nice.  But what is done is done...and the trash has been taken out.

With that being said, neither of those regrets can trump the feeling of not having such negativity and desperation in my life.  

Beyond that, I am fucking great.  Im working out more, I have gained some weight and I love life.